« That's that, you spamming assholes! | Main | Brides and their dudes »

August 11, 2004

101 Things

I think it's time that we did our own 101 Things we Hate page. It's like Liz's "damage" pages, but more general and bigger. I'll ask to have it posted at Radical Apathy. I'll start. This is harder than it sounds. Here's my list, in no particular order, and sparing no one:

  1. women with children in large, all-purpose strollers on the metro;
  2. women with children in large, all-purpose strollers on the bus;
  3. women with children in large, all-purpose strollers on public transportation that loudly bitch, whine and curse about people not leaping to offer them a block of seats, even if no one sees them initially;
  4. not having millions of dollars;
  5. people who simply can't or won't spell properly to save their lives;
  6. people who think that I am a big brain or egghead because I have a math degree;
  7. black people who insist on assuming that they are my friend and will help them out because I am black;
  8. people that assume that I like certain music, watch certain shows or get certain references because I am black;
  9. feeling ashamed if I don't get some of those references;
  10. the term OREO COOKIE;
  11. white people that obsess about my blackness;
  12. white people that obsess about their blackness;
  13. blackness as a requirement for social pigeonholing;
  14. low self-esteem;
  15. the fact that someone will put dismissiveness on their list and think of me;
  16. self-hatred and sabotage;
  17. chronic hatred and bitterness;
  18. people who should know, but don't know what 6 x 9 is, for example;
  19. people not ignorant of, but actually afraid of math, as though it's some terrible beast with X heads and Y arms;
  20. the fact that for some people, that is exactly what math is, no matter what the reason is;
  21. most math teachers;
  22. almost all math professors;
  23. people who use the excuse that they can't get a girlfriend or boyfriend because their standards are so damn high when it's obvious that they are just pussies;
  24. people who are afraid of life;
  25. THE FUCKING WHORE ON MY CORNER!!!
  26. thieves that break into people's homes or businesses;
  27. aging rock acts/grandfathers on stage;
  28. televangelists of my youth (it wasn't my idea, I swear! But not to God.);
  29. "marketing women";
  30. days like December 24 when the STM knows that all the plebes are getting off work at noon but they don't provide extra buses to handle the flow, so it takes you three hours to get home;
  31. la Société d'Assurance d'Automobile de Québec;
  32. L'Office de la Langue Française;
  33. Quebec sign laws;
  34. hypocrisy, but not my own (heh, geddit? Geddit?);
  35. just kidding, I hate my own, too;
  36. women that castigate you (like that word here?) for not thinking that they are as tough as any guy but screaming at the top of their lungs because an ant has entered the room;
  37. not being able to visually appreciate physical beauty in women more completely because it is a "visual assault" on them or at the very least it (sometime legitimately) freaks them out;
  38. the chasm of (mis)understanding between men and women;
  39. not being able to have all the relationships you want at the same time (I'm just talking about friends);
  40. having to be private in order to not freak people out or offend them;
  41. having to be public for the same reasons;
  42. not being able to express myself the way I want to, for whatever reason;
  43. the portrayal of most men on most sitcoms, especially family-oriented ones;
  44. deniers of most of the major "-isms";
  45. my washer;
  46. my dryer;
  47. my landlady;
  48. people who, no matter what you experienced, have to tell you how they experienced the same thing, only WAAAAY better than you because they have the best of everything at all times (even though a little of that can be appreciated);
  49. Céline Dion;
  50. bigots;
  51. Dunkin Donuts;
  52. people who stink up the work kitchen by microwaving their fucking fish;
  53. parents who think it’s okay to burden everyone else around them just because they decided to satisfy that deep vast abyss in their egos by having insolent dirty children;
  54. Slutty McFuckpiece;
  55. people who force politicians to say ridiculous things in order to get elected;
  56. people who then buy that shit and expect it to happen;
  57. people who refuse to at least acknowledge certain political and fiscal realities (when those are readily available to be known);
  58. the media that obscures these realities to keep us predictable and biddable for our overlords;
  59. having to sound like a conspiracy theory nut to express that opinion;
  60. Mitch Bainwol and Cary Sherman;
  61. Jack fucking Valenti;
  62. people who think that I am a freak because I would rather play a sport well and to win than to play half-assed;
  63. the fact that young guys seem to think that they have to pull some kind of trick or gimmick to get a woman interested, especially in bars;
  64. the pervasiveness of Reality TV to the point where people think it's real;
  65. people not believing me when I am more honest than ever;
  66. people who are insufferably vague all the time (I'm thinking of a particular co-worker);
  67. the deliberate lack of fuel efficiency in cars due to the car industry lobbyists;
  68. the deliberate stalling of general efficiency research due to corporate lobbies (I mean, how does a multi-billion dollar industry need government protection? I need government protection, for Christ's sakes!);
  69. my company's plan to turn me into a marketing mouthpiece so that we look more attractive to buyers;
  70. the fact that I won't likely get my multi-thousand dollar payoff when it happens;
  71. the fact that if I own part of a company, I lose that part of the company if I get fired, or conveniently laid off right before the sale of the company or an IPO;
  72. sexy gadgets and appliances that break if you breathe on them too hard;
  73. the fact that almost no one knows the difference between "breath" and "breathe" when writing;
  74. the fact that almost no one knows the difference between "bath" and "bathe" when writing;
  75. Max Hardcore;
  76. spam;
  77. food snobs, i.e. the ones that look down on you because you actually have the nerve to eat that;
  78. KD snobs, fuck off and keep your opinions of what I am eating to yourselves, please;
  79. Atkins freaks (almost every single person that I know that lost at least 20 pounds lost it by eating sensibly and exercising regularly, but yet millions of people can't accept this);
  80. idiots that invoke eating disorder goddesses;
  81. expensive gas;
  82. bitterness;
  83. self-loathing;
  84. envy;
  85. jealousy;
  86. people that can't think outside their own geography, culture or language;
  87. cultural insecurity;
  88. people that are too afraid to get outside their own comfort zones;
  89. when I lose something that belongs to someone else;
  90. thoughtlessness (mine and everyone else's);
  91. apathy;
  92. the threat of social entropy;
  93. overpopulation (aren't we due for a global catastrophe about now?)
  94. fucking mortgages;
  95. the fact that you can't really own land anywhere without paying for the right to have it (taxes) even if you want no part of the benefits of paying into it;
  96. buying shoes;
  97. my horribly smelly sneakers (if I can smell them, they're BAAAD);
  98. obese people who wonder why they are obese when they pack away huge and many portions a day and won't (or can't) walk up two flights of stairs without breaking into a huge sweat;
  99. people who base everything on the fact that someone wrote words in a book. For example, people who say that because it was written in the Bible, it is true in any context. Come on, people, context is king!
  100. the mushroom treatment;
  101. paying rent.

Posted by JonasParker at August 11, 2004 12:04 PM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.cheeseorgy.net/cgi-bin/mt-tb.cgi/407

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference 101 Things:

» Friday Randomosity from The Morbid Muse
Happy Birthday to Emily! Closure is often overrated. But sometimes it's necessary when it comes from an unexpected source. Simba is almost a year old! Should I throw him a doggie birthday party? I'm wearing size 8 pants. And I... [Read More]

Tracked on August 13, 2004 11:39 AM

Comments

This is going to be way easier than my current list.

Should I post mine here too?

Posted by: Elizabeth at August 11, 2004 12:36 PM

Maybe you should replace 66. with "Pedantic People" because your current #66 is the same as #5.

Good effort.

Slutty McFuckpiece?? I had no idea....??

Posted by: Procrasto at August 11, 2004 2:40 PM

#66 has been changed.

Posted by: JonasParker at August 11, 2004 2:47 PM

Yeah, I understand the "irritant" thing, I thought it would be more fun to think of things that make me happy rather than piss me off. Oh, and don't 'hate' me cause I use the term 'oreo cookie' - at least, with my two black cats when they cuddle on opposite side of me. Together, we three are "an oreo of snuggles".

Posted by: V. at August 12, 2004 2:08 PM