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December 2, 2005
Hungry Mutant Ninja Squirrels
A group of dogs is called a "pack". A group of deer is called a "herd". A group of lions is a "pride", and a group of crows is a "murder". What do you call a group of squirrels? Especially hungry, roving, hunting squirrels out for blood (or nuts, whatever comes first)?
A "pack" of squirrels attacked and killed a dog in Russia recently. As disgusting and sad as that might be, I would have loved to have seen that. Does this make me sick? I wonder how long it took. They are "said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh". Imagine that! Imagine your local squirrels being so hungry that they start attacking stray animals or pets. They worked as a unit to bring down this dog. I didn't know that squirrels worked that way.
Chief Wild Cone, leader of the Vodka Park Squirrels has requested an audience with Chief Sweet Nut of the neighbouring Barouska District and Chief Lush Tail of the Kolov Street family.Wild Cone: We, the squirrels of this sector of the city, are facing a serious problem with the shortage of pinecones. My tribe has already lost members due to starvation, and if things do not change soon, we will be facing a crisis that hasn't been seen since the Ancestors left the Great Forests.
Sweet Nut: I say that we appeal to the Great Tree for guidance. The Great Tree provides all that we need. Perhaps the tree needs more nourishment. I am ashamed to say that our youth has become deliquent in showing respect to our Holy Lifegiver.
Lush Tail: Your LifeGiver has given us nothing but empty promises and empty stomachs! We need action! We need a solution! I say that it is high time that we move on to another park. Migrate to some other city. If we leave now, we can make it there before the Hibernation.
Wild Cone: And where would we go? Who would have us? Other tribes are probably not doing much better than us, and they would not share their stores of food with us.
Mysterious Squirrel: Who said anything about sharing?
Suddenly, the air took on a chilling quality. The chiefs stared at the newcomer. Finally, Sweet Nut gave herself a shake and spoke.
Sweet Nut: Who are you? How did you get here?
Mysterious Squirrel: I am Sharptooth, of the Dark Ecurians, and we have a solution. For too long have we been subject to the whims and fancies of other animals, especially those two-legs. We propose that squirrels shoudl become as fierce as any other park dweller. We propose eating meat as a way to fill our bellies. One dog could feed--
Wild Cone: Enough! I will suffer no more of this talk of ecological treason! We are SQUIRRELS, not some mongrel cannibalistic monsters! Begone, vile creature!
Sharptooth paused for a moment, studying the three leaders as one might study an oddly-shaped nut. "As you wish. But the Dark Ecurians will make themselves known soon."
He turned, and was gone in a flash.
40 points to anyone who can tell me where I got the name "Ecurian". 15 if you're from Quebec. If anyone wants to continue this story either with a prequel or sequel, feel free.
*UPDATE* A group of squirrels is a dray.
Posted by JonasParker at December 2, 2005 8:47 AM
Comments
By the way, squirrels are also cannibalistic. They're often known to carry off the young of other squirrels and eat them.
Killing a dog is definitely outside the norm, but killing living things is in their nature.
Posted by: Paolo at December 2, 2005 10:50 AM
But those squirrels are normally driven off, cut off from the dray. They're bad PR. At least that's what Lush Tail says.
Posted by: Alston Adams 
at December 2, 2005 10:57 AM
Ecurian = écureuil. (Hey, I need my points where I can get 'em.)
Posted by: Elizabeth at December 2, 2005 12:42 PM
According to http://squirrels.org:
"What do you call a group of squirrels?
Squirrels are solitary animals. They do not have a hierarchical structure, and therefore, no group name was established."
Posted by: Procrasto at December 2, 2005 4:44 PM
Awesome!
Posted by: Splurge at December 5, 2005 12:51 PM
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