A World of Cheese, For your Pleasure

China opens first drive-thru

McDonald's has opened its first drive-thru in China, which is the first drive-thru anywhere in the country, ever. Why do the Chinese need drive-thrus? Because they have cars now. Those quaint scenes of thousands of people riding by on their ecologically-sound bicycles is quickly becoming a legend. With their population, they might corrupt the planet more than anyone has ever seen. And you know what? The Europeans and North Americans will blame them for all the bad environmental things happening, as though they had nothing to do with the Chinese acquiring this so-called higher standard of living.

At least those damn Africans still have nothing.

Hungry Mutant Ninja Squirrels

A group of dogs is called a "pack". A group of deer is called a "herd". A group of lions is a "pride", and a group of crows is a "murder". What do you call a group of squirrels? Especially hungry, roving, hunting squirrels out for blood (or nuts, whatever comes first)?

A "pack" of squirrels attacked and killed a dog in Russia recently. As disgusting and sad as that might be, I would have loved to have seen that. Does this make me sick? I wonder how long it took. They are "said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh". Imagine that! Imagine your local squirrels being so hungry that they start attacking stray animals or pets. They worked as a unit to bring down this dog. I didn't know that squirrels worked that way.

Chief Wild Cone, leader of the Vodka Park Squirrels has requested an audience with Chief Sweet Nut of the neighbouring Barouska District and Chief Lush Tail of the Kolov Street family.

Wild Cone: We, the squirrels of this sector of the city, are facing a serious problem with the shortage of pinecones. My tribe has already lost members due to starvation, and if things do not change soon, we will be facing a crisis that hasn't been seen since the Ancestors left the Great Forests.

Sweet Nut: I say that we appeal to the Great Tree for guidance. The Great Tree provides all that we need. Perhaps the tree needs more nourishment. I am ashamed to say that our youth has become deliquent in showing respect to our Holy Lifegiver.

Lush Tail: Your LifeGiver has given us nothing but empty promises and empty stomachs! We need action! We need a solution! I say that it is high time that we move on to another park. Migrate to some other city. If we leave now, we can make it there before the Hibernation.

Wild Cone: And where would we go? Who would have us? Other tribes are probably not doing much better than us, and they would not share their stores of food with us.

Mysterious Squirrel: Who said anything about sharing?

Suddenly, the air took on a chilling quality. The chiefs stared at the newcomer. Finally, Sweet Nut gave herself a shake and spoke.

Sweet Nut: Who are you? How did you get here?

Mysterious Squirrel: I am Sharptooth, of the Dark Ecurians, and we have a solution. For too long have we been subject to the whims and fancies of other animals, especially those two-legs. We propose that squirrels shoudl become as fierce as any other park dweller. We propose eating meat as a way to fill our bellies. One dog could feed--

Wild Cone: Enough! I will suffer no more of this talk of ecological treason! We are SQUIRRELS, not some mongrel cannibalistic monsters! Begone, vile creature!

Sharptooth paused for a moment, studying the three leaders as one might study an oddly-shaped nut. "As you wish. But the Dark Ecurians will make themselves known soon."

He turned, and was gone in a flash.

40 points to anyone who can tell me where I got the name "Ecurian". 15 if you're from Quebec. If anyone wants to continue this story either with a prequel or sequel, feel free.

*UPDATE* A group of squirrels is a dray.

$10 million party for little girl

Uh huh. 50 cent gets a half million for half an hour's work for the bat mitzvah party for a girl. A girl that apparently likes Don Henley and Tom Petty. Sure. This is wrong on a few levels.

1. What 13-year-old know what Tom Petty is?
2. As stated at WWTDD, the girl has nowhere to go but down. I hardly believe that she has earned anything at all in her life, and she probably never will. Don't be surprised if she's the next Paris Hilton. A war between the outgoing Queen of Crap and the up and cumming usurper should start in about five years.
3. Isn't there anything better to do with ten million fucking dollars? Assuming any of this is true at all, of course. I haven't seen a single source for this article.
4. I bet you he's considered a good Jew in the rich Jewish community. This isn't good anything as far as I am concerned. Before you jump all over my head for anti-semitism, he'd likely be considered a good Christian or Catholic if he were either of those things. But it galls me that no one of any importance in those communities, in this case the hyper-affluent Jewish one, will call him on this sickening extravagance. I suppose it's fine, though. He probably gives a million dollars a year to the Combined Jewish Appeal or something (or the equivalent Gentile organizations if he were one).

And yes, I wish I had that kind of money to burn. I like to think that I wouldn't burn it like this. I like to think that I could start and manage a worthy fund for, I dunno, at-risk black kids in Montreal. Something. But not a ridiculous party that a kid like that is unlikely to fully appreciate unless he's giving her a hell of an education that you can't find in school. I am pessimistic, though.