Is it the image of a Klansman burning a cross on the lawn of some innocent black family? Is it the bar owners in Longueuil that refuse service to black people? Is it perhaps your father promising to disown you if you bring home a (fill in the blank)?

Some of the above things still happen to this day, and the perpetrators are the people you know. It is still a reality for most PoC (people of colour) in North America and abroad. But there are many that absolutely insist that racism no longer happens, and if it does, that it's not such a big deal. And with any good virus or aggressive cancer, it changes the more it spreads. With the largely forgotten struggles of the civil rights movement came the awareness that burning crosses and lynching people aren't very nice things to do. And believe me, that is pretty much where the empathy ended for many people. Name calling and discrimination are
not nice. It still isn't really understood that it was far, FAR greater than that, but it is a huge accomplishment, especially when you look at history that goes back a few hundred or thousand years.

Here's an example. My sister is 15 years older than I am. Her experiences in Brockville were FAR different from mine. Where I was occasionally made fun of in Grade 1 for being different than others, and the usual jokes were made about my penis and so forth, she was openly shunned and literally spit on. People would laugh at the very idea of her being of equal status to them. She suffered physical and mental trauma that I did not. It's for this reason that she avoids going back there as much as possible. 15 years later, the younger brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces of her peers largely knew better than that. I was openly treated as an equal, or even as a superior at times because of my good grades. But there was often something more subtle that grated on me. Something that I could only start to express very recently. Something wrong.

With the American election race hoopla happening right now, many bloggers and writers and colour have weighed in on the various aspects of the concept of race and its implications on the lives of PoC. They have put into words and published the very feelings that I thought that I was crazy for even thinking. They are talking about New Racism, or what I like to call Next-Gen Racism.

Next-Gen Racism is especially pernicious, because with this brand, although there may possibly be racism, somewhere over there and certainly not here, somehow there are no actual racists to be found. It is so subtle that the offenders have no idea that they are offending, and the offended know that something is up, but cannot express it. This is because 1) it is quite nebulous and hard to define, let alone convey to someone with no concept of it and 2) in the absence of more conventional racism, the offended might feel as though they might be complaining for no reason, even though they KNOW that something is wrong.

But what is wrong, exactly? For one, it's knowing that you are expected to act in a certain way based on the dominant group's cookie-cutter overly-simplistic and stereotypical views of you. When you do not act accordingly, at best causes confusion, and then possibly an ignorant backhanded compliment that describes you as "one of the good ones" or as being "not like the others", because you are like the members of the dominant group. Sometimes it causes disappointment for someone looking for some kind of "authentic experience" ("You aren't as...black as I thought you'd be." I should have responded with, "You are much more of a shallow, ignorant bitch than I thought you were.") At worst, it causes ad hominem attacks, threats and further social stigmatization.

And speaking of being accepted by the dominant group because you are like them, Next Gen Racism allows members of that group both grant and remove the status of that group to non-members. These traits are things such as "whiteness", which I will discuss in another post. When you have not been granted the seal of approval, you are then seen as some kind of oddity, at times fetishized (Asian female submission), at times demonized (black brutes), but in all cases, something to be poked, prodded and used as much as the dominant group wants to.

Next Gen Racism tells minorities that they are not really beautiful unless they are shaped into something that more closely resembles the dominant group, which sets the ultimate standards for beauty that all others need to compare themselves to. Next Gen Racism controls all mass media representations of Others in ways that are palatable to its audience, which is why certain images almost always make it onto the big screen, while others rarely do (Latinas unable to play Latina roles). It tells female members of the dominant group that they should "try black men" at least once in their lives, because everyone knows what they are like in bed. Or that they should never "try" them, because they don't want to be "complètement défoncée". It defines the expectations that young Latinos, Latinas and Blacks should actually live up to if they ever are in the sack with a member of that dominant group.

It should be noted that Next-Gen Racism is anything but new, but rather is a direct result of what happens when one group has historically taken total control of a second group, then created Otherness perceptions of the second group that over time become so ingrained as to be as natural as the air we all breathe. That we ALL breathe. The Otherness perceptions, or perhaps more accurately projections, seep into the bones of the second group over generations. Certain concepts, such as the lack of industriousness, inherent criminality, superior abilities in math and physics, being hypersexual, being hyposexual, being bitchy and contrary, lacking intelligence and on and on, become internalized. What is internalization? (DEFINE THIS) Next-Gen racism has grown organically in places all over the world. It allows one group to conquer an area, then in future generations act as though they have always been there, that everything that group does is normal and good, and that the displaced and disrupted groups are strange, primitive, not as worthy of real respect.

Next-Gen Racism looks for examples of racism directed towards the dominant group, then claims that not only are they not racist, but that everyone else is. That group, or subgroup, claims that there are no benefits from being the first to be hired, the last to be fired, assumed to be more competent, believable or safe, that in fact, those claims aren't even true. Then the group can get on the oppression train and claim that perhaps racism isn't that big of a problem. After all, look at how well we are doing!

Next-Gen Racism allows some people to abuse others because as members of the dominant group, they will be believed. Next-Gen Racism can systematically deny access privileges while denying racism because the numbers say that as a member of a certain ethnicity, they are financial, professional of social risks. It's just the numbers; what are you gonna do? Next-Gen Racism justifies itself for security reasons. Next-Gen Racism cannot stand it when someone not in the dominant group takes what is perceived as rightfully theirs. Next-Gen Racism does not care if a minority child goes missing.

It's my vision that someday, not only will the standard racism disappear (it hasn't, either) but that no one gets to claim that certain things, be it access, class, or whichever, should be theirs by right of being in a particular group. I want no one to take for granted their elevated place in the world. I want to see different groups defining themselves in society on their own terms, and not under the lens of a hegemony that sees them as something else. I want to be seen as myself, and not the Camera's idea of me.

Fighting Next-Gen Racism is about recognizing one's own biases and owning up to them, then challenging them in ourselves, and then in others. I think that this can be done. We've already come so far. 150 years ago some of the most prominent thinkers and policymakers weren't entirely convinced that non-whites were even fully human. The thinking of people has grown far more critical in the last century, and it will continue to grow more critical, especially as more kinds of people make themselves more known and more understood.

The next Dr. King will address issues such as the ones I mentioned, and the world will be that much closer to real harmony than ever.

I was informed yesterday about the decision. The leads and I were all against this, but there's nothing we could really do. Every time I saw him today, I imagined a calf being led to slaughter without having any idea of the fate that awaited him. I feel like a complete asshole and I had absolutely nothing to do with this.

In fact, I bet that most of us feel that way quite a bit, even though we blog. What are you sitting on that should be shared with the world?

And today, I learned that I failed the white blood cell test again. This means that treatment will be delayed by at least a week, probably happening on March 20. I am not happy about having treatment on a Thursday, but them's the breaks. Basically, the doctor made the wrong call in my treatment, and this is the result. My PET scan will need to be pushed back, and I may have to do a seventh treatment to make up for the month that I didn't have any. This also screws up my plans for summer school, sports, travel and pretty much anything I wanted to do in the spring.

Good news: I can now pretty much guarantee that I will make it out for Sunday with no problems whatsoever. For those that do not know, my tradition is to get to Hurley's at 9 am the day of the parade, eat the breakfast provided, drink the Irish coffee included, drink a couple of pints, go to the parade at noon and hang out on the south side of Crescent and Ste-Catherine (drinking), then go to some other bar or two and drink until around 7:30 pm. Of course I am not alone; I am with some core people, and I always either make new friends for the day, or encounter old ones. If you are interested, please let me know and we can make room for you at our table.

Before this film were two short films. The creator, producer and director of the first one sat beside me. Her name is Carla Coma, and she gets asked about her non-existent connection to Massive Attack all the time. Dubbed, the Taxidermy Princess, she works with stuffed animals (not the plushy kind) and animates them to make cute films. Her film from yesterday, L'écureuil d'à côté (The Squirrel Next Door), was so bizarrely cute I had to include it below. It's only one minute and 24 seconds long and worth a watch.

I love it when I get to talk to directors, producers and other creators of art that I like. It brings me outside of regular reality more than experiencing the actual art that they create.

I never knew he had cancer. Apparently he's had it since he was one, which is why he went blind in the first place. Retinoblastoma. What's more, he was only 41 years old, which made him 21 at the release of See the Light. He already sounded like a mature and experienced musician perfectly at home with the likes of Stevie Ray Vaughn.

So he spent his entire life fighting cancer. I suppose that if he can do it for 40 years, I can do it for ...?

Aux francophones et francophiles: Avez-vous déjà entendu cette "expression", ou est-ce que Reverso.net est juste "fucké"?

Still I wish I weren't alone today
But writing this has helped
I have a couple hours left
For killing cancer's whelps

Addendum: I know it says that I am all alone today, but I'm not really. There are many people wishing me well, this I know. I still draw strength from you.

In case you forgot, I started more chemo two days ago, and it ends this afternoon. This afternoon can't come fast enough, though.

People say that those who get treatment as good or better than mine are considered or assumed to be privileged, as in rich; they get what they need when they need it. Everyone else can go to hell, it seems. First of all, who is everyone else? Am I privileged because I am close to a major Canadian health centre? Is that it? I think that's partially the reason, certainly. Someone in Kuujjuaq probably wouldn't have the same care as someone here, certainly. But what else sets me apart? Am I privileged even for those within a short driving distance of a major Canadian health centre? Are there people in Scarborough or Pointe St-Charles that have to wait and wait for weeks and months for care, while I have to just call or walk into the hospital and get what I want, sometimes even before I want it? Maybe the staff just likes me, I don't know. I think I get along pretty well with nurses, actually.

Can anyone comment on these phenomena? Who is not getting served properly in Montreal, Toronto, Vancouver, etc.? I know that I had an advantage at the very beginning getting into the system, and perhaps that made ALL the difference. I was able to get referred into the system, possibly because I knew someone. I can't say for sure if that's true or not, but it may be true. I was examined by this specialist. But I don't think that that explains the treatment I have received since then.

I told the doctor and the nurse that since I am in much better mental and emotional condition that I could likely withstand a stronger protocol this time around. They decided to give me something moderate rather than extreme because I reacted so poorly last time around. I hope that they are not making a mistake by giving me something that is weak because I was such a baby last time. (Well, it WAS pretty fucking brutal. It was.) I don't see why we should prolong this any longer than it needs to be prolonged.

There is another patient about my age with the exact same situation. Same cancer, same surgery, same surgeon, same protocol. His mental space was apparently worse than mine. He is also saying that he doesn't think that he can continue with the chemotherapy. He's exactly where I was at the beginning of December, but there is a difference. He's had a very negative attitude throughout the whole ordeal. He also had some complications from surgery, but by and large, our experiences have been identical. I am told, though, that the difference between him and me is that my attitude has been, over all, much better than his, but specifically it's because he's never really lived on his own, nor was he raised to do this.

I find this interesting. Does this mean that those that left home earlier are generally better able to deal with adversity of pretty much any kind? I left home to go to university when I was 17 and have only lived at home during the summers between school years. Further, I instilled in myself the expectation that I would go to university and take care of my own affairs. Maybe I would be in the other guy's position now if things had been different. He's apparently more depressed and scared than I am. He's frightened, actually. I wish I could help him. There has been lots of talk about how coddled young people are. Maybe it's true. I mean, I suppose since everyone is going to university, they are living at home longer and longer, but what effect is this having?

On another, scarier front, it seems that my superpowers are quickly evaporating. Ugh...